Smart -toys are a terrible idea, notwithstanding the ways that they work for certain kinks (to say nothing of sex workers, who can charge for access to them during livestreams).

It's just the combining the intrinsically terrible security of with the inherently sensitive nature of sex-toy use and the unavoidable risk of network interfaces for servos and motors on your junk makes this a big old nope.


* A networked fellatio machine is vulnerable to code-injection attacks that cause it to mangle your junk

* Smart dildoes tracked users' wanking habits and sold the data

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* Smart buttplugs broadcast their presence using and can be detected from the sidewalk in front of your house

* Sex toy secretly records audio from your sexual activity, vendor calls it a "minor bug"

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And now, the latest one: the Qiui Cellmate - a smart cock cage that lets kinksters lock up their subs' dicks in a hardened steel cage, is vulnerable to networked attacks that can freeze the lock shut, so that you need an angle-grinder to remove them.

That's the headline, but there are so many other ways you can attack a Cellmate user: steal their location, password and other PII.

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Oh, also, if the company pushes an update to fix any of this, they could permanently lock up the dicks of many of their users.

Thankfully (?) there's not much risk of them fixing it. When PenTestPartners contacted them, the company said it only had $50k on hand and couldn't afford to update the software.

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